Little Waifus Take Over the World except NOT
by possessed obsession
Summary: Raito and Lulu are BFF FO' EVAH. THEY HAVE BEEF WITH THE WORLD. And pork. But their husbands don't want them to take it over! STUPID HUSBANDS. ////// CRACK IS HERE. And chocolate. LxRaito SuzakuxLelouch


AN: Hey everyone! I know I should be working on my other two fanfics right now, but I was reading this one fanfic the other day that had this line -- **_Light really was a housewife. -- _**and I had to show my sister, o0checkmate0o because we have this inside joke about Raito and it just was epic. So we got to talking (somehow) about Lelouch and Raito being waifu BFFs and it was hilarious, and then she sent me some really funny dialogue between them as they plot to take over the world, and then Suzaku and L talking about how they needed to stop them before they created a catastrophe and blew up the world. All throughout this they were acting nonchalant, and I don't know. I like crack. So we co-wrote a fic - well, no. Actually o0checkmate0o wrote the fic and I added in little bits and pieces. So yeah. Enjoy. I sure did.

**o0checkmate0o -** Multi-chapter serious fic? What's that you say? 8D ...this is what happens when you stay up until six in the morning with little sleep under your belt and a mountain of homework staring you down. Yup. You write crack. Because your brain has forgotten how to function properly and you come up with ideas that are hilarious only to you. And the person you stayed up until six in the morning with. You can expect a sequel -- we had a delicious orgy of awful ideas that night. DNXCG CRACK FTW. You know Raito and Lulu are waifu BFFs. The most amusing evil waifu BFFs you'll ever see.

Disclaimer. NO. If we owned, it would have been a lot different and probably not nearly as good.

CRACK WARNINGS: YES. THERE IS CRACK.

* * *

**Little Waifus Take Over the World (**except not**)**

The scene was straight out of a sixties' commercial; serene, peaceful, and picturesque.

In an impeccably clean living room with sparse, modern furniture were two beauties, the epitome of a man's ideal spouse. Both had smooth and flawless skin in a delicate and pale shade. Both were shapely, tall, graceful, and very tidy. They kept themselves well-groomed and cared greatly about their looks, as they should. Not a hair out of place. One had rich auburn hair, the other lustrous black, both healthy and full but with the appropriate silky texture and perfectly styled without the use of unpleasant gels or hairsprays. The brunette had honey-brown eyes to match that perfect hair, rich and deep and expressive. The other had an unusual shade of purple, a mysterious and exotic change of pace with an intriguing sense of intensity. They were busying themselves in the manners expected of them, with the brunette ironing out the laundry and the black-haired one mending a shirt. They spoke softly in melodious voices with the occasional, graceful tinkling laugh. The perfection of the scene was completed with their spouses seated on the other side of the room, admiring from afar while conversing over such important topics as the weather, the state of worldly affairs, and the exquisite quality of the chocolate bars they were currently indulging in.

In all this perfection, there was only one thing out of place.

The beauties, the two that made their husbands the envy of the neighborhood, were plotting their imminent takeover of the world -- _this_ time without the loving intervention of their significant others.

The one redeeming factor to this odd trait the otherwise perfect-wives-material possessed was that they honestly believed that by half-destroying the world and rebuilding it that they could make it a better place.

And every good wife should strive to make the world a better place.

"YOU SEE THE THING THAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD IS BRITANNIA."

"YES, YES, THE EVIL SCUM OF THE WORLD IS WHAT'S WRONG. THEY DESERVE TO DIEEEE."

"CREATION CAN ONLY BE OBTAINED THROUGH DESTRUCTION. THE PHEONIX THAT RISES FROM ITS OWN ASHES."

"SO WE WILL DESTROY THEM AND CARVE OUT A NEW, BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT WORLD!"

"ONE WHERE PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY!"

"AND I WILL BE GOD."

".....okay that's pushing it a bit."

The two husbands shared a knowing look. Suzaku shook his head and sighed, putting his half-finished treat down and turning to smile weakly at the other man.

"Ah, sorry L, but Lulu is getting that look on his face, so I gotta go stop him from taking over the world again."

"It seems Raito is having similar thoughts, so I will accompany you."

The two turned to look at their lovely spouses, who were discussing (ranting) once again about the world's flaws and how they needed to be rectified through a righteous purge of all things tainted. The volume escalated, until the conversation breached the topic of Raito being God. At that point, L decided it was best to cut in, to which Suzaku followed suit.

Both Lelouch and Raito sent their respective husbands charming smiles upon their approach, knowing full well that they had attracted their attention through an accidental burst of unbridled passion for justice. Suzaku and L were used to this routine and neither fell for the innocent act (although Suzaku might have liked to).

"Come on Lulu," Suzaku started with his trademark apologetic-but-doing-it-anyway-so-pity-me tone.

"I don't believe we need to remind you what happened the _last_ one-hundred and thirty-eight times," L finished for him.

"Thirty-nine," Lelouch corrected under his breath while glancing away as if suddenly interested in the upholstery of the couch. It was probably time to redo it, anyway. Raito, knowing his husband's tendency to strongly dislike being corrected when it came to statistics, was quick to draw attention away from numbers.

"We were hardly doing anything wro—"

"Excuse me for interrupting, but you were claiming Godhood again, Raito-san," Suzaku pointed out sheepishly. Raito huffed.

"…You're right," Lelouch sighed after a moment. The way he fluttered his eyelashes three times in rapid succession was the signal to Raito that he had a plan, and the brunette felt giddy with excitement – regardless of the fact L had pointed out before; none of their plans had managed to work so far. "Why don't we drop this nonsense and go out for ice cream instead?"

The offer was very tempting to both L and Suzaku, but once again they knew better.

"Actually Lulu, I think it's time we went home. It was nice seeing you again L-san, Raito-san. I hope we can do it again soon." A polite smile and the Japanese boy was leading his indignant and protesting spouse out of the building.

"A pleasure as always," L responded amiably.

Raito was uncharacteristically quiet, considering their plans had just been foiled for the one-hundredth and thirty-ninth time. In the pocket of his perfectly tailored designer jeans he was discreetly texting the black-haired male with instructions for their next attempt.

L decided to pretend he hadn't noticed, because sometimes it was more fun when they let them put up a bit of a fight.


End file.
